What is it about no news weeks that inspires the vapid and all too mortal mariners on the good ship journalism to produce for us, their avid readers, the kind of mind-bogglingly unnewsworthy drivel and meaningless effluent that they seem to spout on a more and more regular basis.
Two weeks ago, there I was, quietly perusing Auntie's depths when I stumbled across this gem of scientfic publishing. My favourite line has to be "It is well known within the thunderstorm detection community that wearing or carrying metallic objects [during a thunderstorm] can increase the likelihood of injury."
As if that wasn't enough, I found today, in the aftermath of the only diving contest in which China haven't swept the board, this earthshattering insight into the world of International football: "Portugal coach Luiz Felipe Scolari said his side's inability to score was the reason for their World Cup semi-final exit at the hands of France in Munich. "
Whatever will they be telling us next? "Water discovered to be reason why beaches are wet in places"; "Girls different from boys".
I know that England are home, and Tiger Tim has been retired to a petting zoo, and the flush of post-ashes brilliance has turned out to be little more than nappy rash, but come on ... there must be something newsworthy going on, isn't there?
Too much time on my hands? Many would say so ... better that, though, than the alternative.
*Credit where it's due ... another hat doffing to Mr Cleese and his erstwhile other half Miss Booth.